What do you do?

What do you do when you've fallen in love with someone?
What do you do when someone else likes you?
What do you do after someone tells you they like you but then never actually talks to you?
What do you do when you realize that you may never see someone you love ever again?
What do you do when nothing in your life ever goes the way you wnt it to?
What do you do when your best friend turns on you?
What do you do when someone you've grown close to vanishes out of your life?
What do you do when people tell you to just give up?
What do you do when people tell you it's not worth it?
What do you do when you've been left to 'fend for yourself?
What can you do, what can you say?
I want to tell someone that I like(may even love) that I like him, but the words just don't come, and I would break someone else's heart. I just want him to know, I don't wanna hurt anyone! I have one day left in school, I guess I want to tell him face to face. But I don't have the guts. I have one day! One day, is not enough for this kind of thing!!! I need more time. What could I do in one day? Com'on, I need some help here! only one day is NOT enough

8 things . . .

Number 1:I have veiwers in Germany and Italy now. Hi people in Italy!! Hi people in Germany!!
Number 2: Self pity is NOT attractive
Number 3: Just freaking live life and hope for the best.
Number 4:Karma is a . . . .(you know what I was about to say, com'on)
Number 5:Stop dwelling on the bad parts of life and focus on the good.
Number 6: Smile. It looks good on you(Well, technechly I don't know what you look like . . but I'm assuming here)
Number 7:The outside of a horse is the best thing for the inside of a human.
Number 8:People say that hate is a strong word, so they try not to say it when they don't mean it, but love is too, and people through that around like it's nothing.

Why?

Some people ask me why I LOVE preforming. It's simple. If they ask it, they just don't get preforming something you're good at. I hate the nerves before it but something about showing off what you've worked so hard on to people you've never met before is like the greatest feeling in the world. I am in love with that feeling while you're on stage or in the arena or whatever. So my first example is music. This is my biggest one. I get soooo nervous before a concert or recital or whatever but when I'm actually doing it, I loose myself. I almost forget that the audience is there, It's just me, the piano or microphone, and that spotlight. Just recently I preformed a specialty number for my choir. When I auditioned for that I was INSANELY nervous, my hands were shaking on the piano keys but my voice wasn't affected for some odd reason. But when I preformed it, I was fine. The spotlight didn't even seem hot until after I stood up and cutesey'd. I was just really comfortable on stage. The spotlight was kinda comforting and my voice went through the song without a single crack or flaw(although i did acidentally skipped half a verse bacause I got so caught up in the music) And then I had a solo. For the piano one I didn't have to face the audience but for this one I did have to. I thought this would make me more nervous but I looked straight at them and sang. Now for 2) Horseback riding. That's just . . . different. I'm nervous before I enter the arena, my hands shaking . . .That part I hate, but I got to get used to it. Then I go in preform (barrels, poles, flags, pleasure, or whatever) and I don't feel a thing, I just know I gotta keep the pattern straight, listen to commands and get the fastest time. It's just me, the horse, the ground we have yet to cover, and the finish line. I don't realize I'm still nervous until after I exit the arena . . .that's when I get shaky and crap. But that's more just the adrenaline, and excitment. ;) 3) Musical Theater: This one is easy . . . you know the lines and everyone else's lines by heart, you've practiced it a MILLION times and you can't even SEE the audience because the spotlights are so bright, and it's not like you're even facing them full on the whole time . . . But ANYWAY! Those people who hate preforming don't know how to loose themselves in what they're doing. You just got to stop thinking about the consequences and the people in the crowd and focus on what you're doing and why. Y.O.L.O. ;) might as well live it to it's fullest while you can.

I totally understand.

"I totally understand, it's okay." <---- Okay, that phrase . . . I have something to say about it. 1) Can that get anymore cliche? Just curious . . . 2) We never hear that enough. . . however cliche it is, no one REALLY says that, thay give hugs, tell us we'll make it through this blah blah blah blah. total BS. I want to hear that phrase and it to really be MENT. 3) When people do say it . . . most the time they don't really get it . . .Sorry, but it's true. Uhm yea, say I'm having problems at home and feeling suicidal or whatever(I'm not really suicidal, I'm just using it as an example) and I break down in front of you, and you tell me that . . . yea right, you're a spoiled kid whose parents are married happily ever after . . . you do NOT understand, so shut up! I can tell when people are BSing me, and that quote is one that when I do hear it, most the time it's nowhere close to true . . . grrrrr

Lies, love, friendship, and explosions

I'm going to rant now . . . 'cuz I'm so bored . . . not cuz I love blogging or anything . . .xD Why can't people just understand? Why can't they just not question? Why are some people so self concious? What ever happened to self confidence? Why can't people keep secrets? Why don't we just . . . be better people? What is stopping us? I honestly don't freaking get it. Like I'm religious and all, and I totally understand sin and adam and  eve and all, I get it but why don't we even try? We think it's cool to be all "badass" by smoking pot, cheating on our bfs and gfs, knowing the lastest gossip and spread it like a freaking wildfire when we promised the person it's about not to tell. -_- seriously people? Do you not have any guilt or is anything inside you telling you that what you're doing is wrong? Anything at all?? Why can't we just speak our minds and not hide things. It would honestly make this world so much better if we just said things intead of lying and hiding stuff. I'm so sick of the human race . . . UGHHHHH!!! And on top of all these LIES all anyone seems to focus on anymore is LOVE. Love this, love that. Do we even have lives anymore? I mean I do like people and want the same back from (male name #1), but seriously, whatever happened to FRIENDSHIP? kay, I'm done, before I freaking EXPLODE!!!! growl   >:(

Since The First Moment I Met You (So Far)

When I saw you for the first time I was just captivated

It was love at first sight for me,

but you glanced away.

I couldn't fall asleep that night,

thinkin' 'bout what if's and maybe's.

You were always on my mind,

runnin' in circles and circles.

And Baby please don't stop

'Cuz I'm falling in Love

You had me caught in those blue eyes and brown hair

since the first moment I met you.

I always wish'd that you'd be there,

but I know that that dream won't ever come true,

since the first moment I met you.

Dreams are just little thoughts just waiting to come true.

Dreams are just my heart speakin' it's mind.

Since the First moment I met you.

Song . . . and other stuff

Kay, so, I am making it a goal to post on here everyday . . you're gonna have to deal with me for awhile . . . teehee, so rants here we come. So I started working on a song today . . well . . no . . yesturday, and I'm going to post the lyrics. Okay? . . okay! (yea, you really have no say in this. I'll post then right after this post. IDK what it's called yet but it might be called . . . something . . we'll see, I had a name in my head but I lost it right as I was about to type it. . .Oh boy . . thank you ADD. -_-. Oh, OH!! name options: Dreams, or The First Moment I Met You. You'll see what I mean in a sec. But anywho. My friend . . . AKA, the hostess of the party . . . I think I can say her name, it's Caitlin. But she likes (male name #1)'s best friend, weird right? Wait . . .I don't see how that's weird . . *sighhhh* IDK anymore. Well, that was my rant, lyrics are next. :)
Oh and P.S. They lyrics don't ryhme . . . I'm too lazy to rhyme. . .

*Insanely Talented*

Hey! So you know how I was going to make a blog just about my friends talents? I told you a little while ago? Ya, well I made it, just got it started but still, I think the idea is pretty cool! :) the URL is http://www.insanelytalented.blogspot.com/ <----Click on it! It will magically take you there :P haha. xD So last week was Kate, and this week is going to be Bethany Cooke, one of my BFFs I might add. haha. Go there on Monday or Tuesday and you'll see. It's going to be GREAT!!

Tired weather

Today was just one of those days that the weather is all rainy and cloudy and you just wanna go to bed, you know? And it really sucked becase to day was day 1 of finals! D: I just want it to be Summer!! Summer! Summer! Summer! Urgh!!! So, let's talk, why do all the hot guys have to be so hot? WHYYY??? haha, I probably shouldn't be talking about this, because I think the guy I'm talking about might read my blog, if so, Hiiiiii Ben! haha but he's told me why he's gay and I get it but still. He's like my best friend. All girls need a gay best friend. He's awsome. :) If there is one person I can trust, it would be either, him, Sarah, Caitlin, Bethany, Penelope, or Arielle. (If you haven't noticed, I do have ADD, like I'm not just saying this, I really do, like I should be taking medication but it's not like I can only focus for like 5 seconds, it's more like I can only focus for a max of maybeeee 3 minutes, if I try to. I'm looking at my clock and I've noticed that all the hands are black, except the second hand, which is gold. Black and gold, hm, bees are black and gold, sort of, nahh they're black and yellow. and they collect honey, which is gold(ish). So, hey! it works out! How did I get from weather to gay guys to trust, to ADD, to clocks, to bees, to honey in like 2 minuetes? I should be doing my American History Project . . .

I have a predicament . . . imagine a party . . . with both (male name #1) and (male name #2). Got it? kay, now my friend, who is the hostess, wants to play spin the bottle there. . . see my problem . . . I think she's got it in her head that something is gonna happen that night between me and . . one of them. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD!!!! bleepety bleep bleep. . . I'm kinda worried now, but that's okay, I have to get through Finals and interclub(A riding competition at the place I ride) before this party goes down. boy, oh boy oh boy! This should be awsome. I'll, of course let you know how this goes. :D

Wish

So one of the things that I believe in the most is wishes. I know people always say that wishing gets you nowhere, and i know that, and you're probably asking why I believe in it. I believe in it because everything starts with a wish, an idea that we want to come true. That wish can start so many things that can lead to your wish becoming true. I mean I get it that there are no 'magical faries' or whatever that make your wish come true. We all know that we have things we want to happen or do, but sometimes we don't really think about it, and they stay in the back of our minds until we do something like close our eyes as we blow out our birthday candles or blow the seeds off of a dandelion head. Then we realize that we really want this to happen and we go out and make it that wish come true, we do something to help that wish, that thought. Sometimes, we decide to do nothing about it, and blame it on the wish, vowing never to wish on a dandelion again. But in reality, the dandelion was never gonna do anything about it, it was all you, it was your choice. So i believe in wishes, that's how all things start. (That's me ranting for you, expect more of these in the future)

Boy Problems, Venting

So I really hope none of my really close friends or that these guys don't look at my blog . . . or I'm kinda sqrewed . . .Oh well, I won't say their name. So I have like this guy, (male name #1), for like two years . . . and some people think he likes me too, but you know how that goes. He likes another girl (girl name). He's even told her. But I also like another guy (male name #2), but not nearly as much . . and I told him that I wasn't quite sure if I liked him or not... He then told me that he likes me . . . a lot . . .and then told me that since it's a week and a half left of school, he doesn't want to deal with a summer relationship, which I totally understand . . buuuuuut then he said somthing like, "How about friends with benefits until highschool starts?" So I said okay . . and I think that that means no strings attached, so I can date someone over the summer if I want to right? I don't wanna hurt him, after all I am going to highschool with him but I still really really like (possibly love) (male name #1), and he's going to a different highschool next year . . . I don't know what to do!!!!!! I'm just venting. Helpppppppp!!!! *sighhhhh* what should I do?

okay, so I've been thinking. Maybe this friend thing that I mention in my last post, I won't do on this blog, I'll make a new one for it. So that this blog stays **Random** and my new one would be fully dedicated to the friend with talents thing. what do you think?

So Kate wanted me to post this:

 












Needless to say(I think) this is Kate! Soon to be famous fashion designer :D This are some designs that she's drawn for me in my notebook and such. :)

I can show you some more once she sends me them :) So i'm going to start a series. So once every week or so, I'm going to dedicate a day to one of my insanly talented friends :) I'll share pictures and maybe some videos but if I can't get any pic or vids, I'll just write about their talent. :) So today and maybe tomorrow is KATE GIBSON (she also goes by ZINNIA GIBSON) and her talent is designing and fashion in general.

End of the year checklist:
[x] Dress Rehersals
[x]Alice in Wonderland Musical
[x]Images(rediculously good choir that I'm in) Final Concert
[ ]Elitches on Friday
[ ]Finals
[ ]cleaning
[ ]other crap
[ ]SUMMER!
Almost there folks! We're getting there! :D My life is slowly coming together and I'm loving it! I'm heading to highschool next year, and it's going to go well (don't say anything, I'm being optimistic)
I have noticed over the past few days that I love looking into people's eyes . . it's just awsome. IDK. I'm gonna post a video of me singing, and a picture of my eye. It's just so facinating! When I post the pic of my eye I'll show you what I'm talking about. xD Over the summer expect to see a lot of me posting randomly, I'm gonna be super bored. haha well, I'm in American History, and should be helping Kate and Mady on our project . . not like they are working either . . . :P

Hey ya'll! So I was gonna post somthing when i was sitting next to Kate today in American History, but the bell rang right before i was gonna hit post . .. grrrr, but anyway, you should check out Kate's blog, it's pretty boss if you ask me ;) (haha love you Kate!) But the URL is www.bright-lightsinthesky.blogspot.com just warning you, her code name is Zinnia! :D I am superrrr bored. Lookin out the window hoping that summer will come soon! I don't think I ever told you think but I got a horse in October, so I've been somwhat busy . . .for awhile. but this is a pic of me riding him! :D

His name is Baron, I also lease another horse named Scout, but i don't have many good pics of him yet, so that's that.